вторник, 23 октября 2007 г.

Chuck Norris


So the choice has fallen and has won how should it be otherwise Chuck Norris ... The man of us with Texas Ranger and Delta Force embellished life. But, I grew slightly shocked to be noted that a well-quarters of our visitors have absolutely no taste ... taste is well known to argue, except in this case! How can a ballet dancer and one sided facial paralysis to the ultimate Action God prefer? No matter!
Here is a bunch of the best Chuck Norris sayings:

If Chuck Norris sleeps with a man, is not the fact he is gay, but because the women he expected.

Chuck Norris does not read books: He stares at it for so long, until they voluntarily tell him what he wants to know.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says: "Not two seconds ..." If you then ask them: "Not two seconds to what?" They miss you a Roundhouse Kick-in the westernmost!

Chuck Norris condoms to believe pimples before it is used, so that the ER enjoy it.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard, only STILL a fist.

It was once claimed that Chuck Norris once a fight against a Pirates had lost, which is obviously a lie, the Chuck Norris himself in the world has more to attract pirates!

When Chuck Norris' wife, the Christmas goose burn lies, Chuck said only: "No problem Baby", and went into his garden. He arrived five minutes later with a live goose again, as it is in one piece and as it again a few seconds later rauswürgte, she was roasted and supplements were included. When his wife asked him how this would be possible, he missed her a Roundhouse Kick-and said: "Just 'Chuck Norris never in question!"

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Only a pity that he never cries!

That was the end of Walker: Texas Ranger runs, no credits. It is in fact a list of people to whom Chuck Norris on the day a Roundhouse kick missed.

Once someone has Chuck Norris as a hard and fast Roundhouse kick missed, his foot through the speed of light, in the time traveling back and 1945 Adolf Hitler in Berlin killed.

Chuck Norris was not born as a normal child, he has become the way from the belly of his mother freedom. A few seconds later, he grew a beard.

Once Chuck Norris built a time machine, to the death of John F. Kennedy. When Lee Harvey Oswald shot, Chuck has all three bullets with his beard intercepted. JFK's head is louder astonishment before exploding.

Chuck Norris has for his good looks and his martial arts skills his soul to the devil for sale. Shortly after the pact was decided, the devil Chuck has a Roundhouse Kick-in the westernmost and missed his soul back. The devil, the irony may be, was not really angry, and admitted that he could have seen it coming. Since both play every 2nd Wednesday of the month poker.

Some time ago had the idea of Chuck Norris, in his urine doses to. We know this beverage as Red Bull!

Chuck Norris can a woman to orgasm, when he and the finger at them and shows "BOOYA" says!

In the 2nd World War, the small Chuck times a German plane downed. He showed his fingers to the sky and shouted "BANG!"

Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits!

The main export product of Chuck Norris is pain!

Chuck Norris uses a live rattlesnake as a condom.

After much discussion it was decided to continue the nuclear bomb, instead of Chuck Norris on Hiroshima to throw. Why? That is Human.

Chuck Norris says people often, they will draw on his finger. If they do, he missed them a Roundhouse kick in the stomach, then he furzt.

If DU can see Chuck Norris, he can see YOU. If you do not see Chuck Norris can you maybe only seconds away from your death.

Chuck Norris has taken my virginity, and he is damned you again, you take! Now when you think: "That is impossible, I am not a virgin anymore." Then You just wrong!

There ARE hostile aliens! You just wait until Chuck Norris dead, so they can attack.

Chuck Norris should actually in the game Street Fighter 2 * * be there, but he was removed because he at every touch of a button a Roundhouse Kick-made. When it after that glitch * * asked Chuck replied only: "This is not a glitch!"

Chuck Norris does not hunt, because it involves the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing!

Once Chuck Norris has an * * Big Mac at Burger King and ordered him ....

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity ... 2 times.

A blind man is Chuck Norris kicked on the foot, Chuck said, "If you are not who I am? I am Chuck Norris! "The mention of his name cured the blind. Unfortunately, the first, last and only thing this man ever saw a fatal Roundhouse kick by Chuck Norris.

If Chuck Norris his tax declaration, he dressed with white sheets and a picture of themselves. Chuck Norris had yet NEVER pay taxes.

Chuck Norris has once 20 pound steaks in one hour eaten. He had the first 45 minutes of sex with a waitress.

Chuck Norris is not equipped like a horse ... horses are equipped like Chuck Norris!

Chuck Norris sleeps with the light on. Not because Chuck afraid of the dark would, but the darkness before him.

Chuck Norris likes knitting sweaters in his free time, and if I * * knits say, I will kick and sweaters * * I mean people.

A sign for a handicapped parking space, has nothing to do with a wheelchair to do. In reality, it is a warning: This is one parking Chuck Norris, and he will throw you in the wheelchair kick if there du Park!

Once someone wanted Chuck Norris told the Roundhouse Kicks - is not the best way would be for somebody to come. This is now seen as the greatest mistake in the history of mankind.

Chuck Norris is 10 years died. The TOD had until now not only have the courage to say it.

Chuck Norris goes sometimes donate blood. Only never his own.

Chuck Norris was actually born as a triplet. His brothers were TOD and PAIN!

Chuck Norris once an entire bottle of chloroform inhaled. He had 3 times wink.

If Chuck Norris looks at the sky, clouds sweat with fear. We know that as the rain!
If Chuck Norris talks, listens to God.

Chuck Norris can no longer see in the mirror. During the first times he has his mirror image of a deadly Roundhouse kick missed!

Chuck Norris has invented the following things: The semi-automatic rifle, alcohol, sex and football ... in THIS order.

There are no weapons of mass destruction, but Chuck Norris.

Actually, Chuck Norris was the fourth heavenly king. He gave Jesus a little beard, and he wore those died. The other three sacred kings were angry because Chucks gift arrived as well. For this reason, they ensured that the Chuck Norris deleted from the Bible, shortly after all three died of mysterious holy kings violations by Roundhouse-kicks.

Once Chuck Norris has an entire cake eaten before he could tell anyone that there was a stripper.

If Chuck Norris into the water drops, it will not get wet ... but the water is Chuck Norris.

If we could use it, could the Power a Chuck Norris-- Roundhouse Kicks, the whole USA for 44 minutes with energy supply.

Chuck Norris is to 1 / 8 Cherokee Indians. This has nothing to do with ancestry, he has a whole damned Indians eaten.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures which Chuck Norris allows to live.

The first scene of the film "Saving Private Ryan" is based on a game of football, the Chuck Norris in the 2nd class.

Time waits for no one ... except CHUCK NORRIS!

Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only by the walls he runs.

- A normal, average living room there are 1,242 things that Chuck Norris can use to you to kill himself with the space included.

A good-better-best-Perfect - Chuck Norris!

When Chuck Norris' beard and hair boil as tea drinking could, we would have seen the increase sexual potency ... permanently!

Chuck Norris is the greatest poker face of all time. In 1983, the world championship win in poker, even though he only following cards on the hand had a Joker, "They come from the jail free" card from the Monopoly, a cross-2, a spade-7 and 4 from a green a UN game.

In the beginning was the void ... then Chuck Norris Nothing that a Roundhouse Kick-miss and said: "You nen job search!" That was how the universe.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his anger.

Chuck Norris and monies went to a bar, the bar exploded immediately, because so much Irresponsibility not fit into a building.

When Chuck Norris Bowling raises no Strikes, he Pin the outer skin off, the other nine are in Unmacht.

Chuck Norris has deep respect for human life ... unless it is in the way!

Previously, the Bermuda Triangle as the Bermuda square known, at least until Chuck Norris weggekickt one of the corners.

There is actually no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq ... Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma!

James Cameron wanted to Chuck Norris plays the Terminator. When he was looking again, he was aware that his film would be a documentary. So he decided to Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Chuck Norris once Russian roulette with a fully loaded Colt played ... and won!

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman carries Chuck-Norris-Schlafanüge.

If he strongly at both ends of moves, Chuck Norris a diamond back to coal.

If Chuck Norris Push-Ups, he expresses himself is not high, but the earth down.

Chuck Norris eats. The food knows that the only place where his fists before they can be, Chuck Norris' own stomach.

A tidal wave created when Chuck Norris on a fly coast ... but only because God in the pants.

Scotty from Star Trek often said: "How can the laws of physics do not change." This is not true. Chuck Norris can ... with his fists!

An anagram of "WALKER TEXAS RANGER" is "Lady KARATE SEX." Weis, I do not know what that is yet, but it sounds great! ?

Chuck Norris never met the foot, he just destroyed accidentally chairs, beds and sidewalks.

Chuck Norris' Roundhouse Kicks-KILLING not people, they delete their entire existence in the space-time continuum.

Chuck Norris CAN a pivoting slam.

If, thanks to an incredible paradox, Chuck Norris would be in a position against itself to fight, he would win. Point!

Scientifically proven: Roundhouse Kicks - consist mainly of an element called Chucktanium.

Superman once an episode of Walker: Texas Ranger. Thereafter, he has to sleep cried.

Chuck Norris is not styled his hair, they are always perfect ... for fear!

Global warming is not: Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun is higher.

Chuck Norris HAS Rome built in a day.

Chuck Norris plays not play God ... what is for children.

If you go to a bar, you can have a drink called "Chuck Norris". This drink is also known as "Bloody Mary", but only if your name is Mary.


Whenever Chuck Norris smiles, a man dies. Except when it during a Roundhouse Kicks-smiles, then second to die

Normal people use a handkerchief when it is the nose clean. Chuck Norris uses a bag corpses.

There is a fixed order in the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris ... is just fun, Chuck Norris comes first.

The main causes of death in the USA are:
First Heart disease.
Second Chuck Norris.
Third Cancer.

A man Chuck Norris asked whether his real name "Charles." Chuck Norris did not reply, he stared at the man while, until it exploded.

Chuck Norris begins each day with a protein shake: milk, Tabasco, 10 eggs, pure Colombian cocaine and snake poison. He injects it directly into the cardiac vein.

Chuck Norris is the only man who is also from 5 Scion fire. He holds a hand with each, one with each foot and the 5te Roundhouse-Kickt it in the air, so it was a nice stray fire.

In the X-Men movies were no super powers with special effects. Chuck Norris was the stuntman for each character.

The universe expands actually out ... Chuck Norris tried to escape.

Chuck Norris can fire with a magnifying glass to make ... night!

Chuck Norris can not love, he can only nicht-töten!

In a survey, we found that 94% of American women of actor Chuck Norris. The other 6% were either very or extremely ugly fat.

Chuck Norris was the only reason never accused of the murder because his Roundhouse Kicks-world viewed as a force majeure.

There should be a Chuck Norris Edition of "Cluedo." The quickly became boring. The answer was always: "Chuck Norris: Where you least expect it, with a round-house kick."

Chuck Norris has never won an Oscar ... he is not acting!

If Chuck Norris wants to hear your opinion, it thrashes you already.

Before each shooting of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris gets a lethal dose of narcotics rhinoceros. That is also necessary, otherwise he would any of his opponents film kill.

When Bruce Banner is angry, he becomes the Hulk. When the Hulk angry, it is about Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once took a horse under the chin. His ancestors are known today as giraffes.

It should even Chuck Norris toilet paper produced but there was a problem ... it would simply like no shit.

Human cloning is prohibited know, because you could clone Chuck Norris. Then, it would be possible that 2 Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kicks-meet. Scientists believe that the resulting universe would cease to exist.

Chuck Norris' Roundhouse Kicks - are faster than light. That is to say: If you are on the light switch press, you are dead before it is light.

Chuck Norris was Skydiven times. But he had to promise never again to do so. A Grand Canyon!

In the first Jurassic Park movie, the T-Rex the Jeep did not hunted. Chuck Norris chased the T-Rex and the Jeep!

The Bible says that God made the universe in six days would have created. That's true so far. Before Chuck Norris God created ... with a snap.

Chuck Norris never asks, "Who's your Daddy?" Because he already knows the answer.

If Chuck Norris would be a calendar, every month would be Chucktober hot and he would vigorously every day you in the ass occur.

Fear is not the only emotion, the other with Chuck Norris can feel. He can also feel your hope, hope, as in: "I hope Chuck Norris missed me-no Roundhouse Kick."

Walker: Texas Ranger is the only way, because Chuck Norris is not racing.

Behind every successful man stands a woman. Behind every dead man, Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris cleans his teeth with a mixture of: metal, paint and kerosene.


The Great Wall of China was actually built to Chuck Norris away from China. It failed miserably.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72 ... And they are all poisonous.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

Chuck Norris, a four-game winning in three trains.

Chuck Norris is the only person who creates it, a tennis match against a wall to win.

Once filmed someone like Chuck Norris was very angry. He called it then "Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre."

If you Chuck Norris in Scrabble buchstabierst, awarded for always win!

Once wagered Chuck Norris with NASA that he had a re-entry into the atmosphere without a space suit would survive. On 19 In July 1999, a naked Chuck Norris in the atmosphere that flew over 14 countries, reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. The eyes NASA-Mitarbeiter stated that it was a meteor, and owe Chuck Norris still a beer.

In the Bible Jesus turned water into wine. But then transformed Chuck Norris wine in the beer.

Once Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity, which includes multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more dangerous than this. Later, Albert Einstein discovered this theory, and published it. Then Chuck Norris missed him with a round-house kick in the westernmost. Albert Einstein, we know today as Stephen Hawking.

Chuck Norris is not a shower. He takes a maximum blood baths.

If Chuck Norris will donate blood, he declines the syringe and demanded instead a gun and a bucket.

If Chuck Norris numbers before 0190, he gets no bill. He holds up the handset and money drops out.

A Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick - is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

Chuck Norris' house has no doors, there are only walls, which he peruses.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero!

Chuck Norris has his own form of karate. He called them "Chuck-Will-Kill."

Chuck Norris takes 20 minutes to 60 minutes to look at film.

It takes 14 puppeteers to Chuck Norris to smile, but only two, in order to bring him to an orphanage to destroy.

The pedestrian traffic lights in Chuck Norris' hometown say only "Die Hard" and "Die quickly." They show you a picture of Chuck Norris, as he proposes, or a pedestrian enters.

Chuck Norris has proved that we are alone in the universe. Before his first space exploration, we were not.

Ninjas want to grow up so that they like Chuck Norris. In fact, but they grow mostly just to get by Chuck Norris to be killed.

Chuck Norris is the only man in the world, a Roundhouse Kick-send via e-mail.

Some children play football with a can. As a child, Chuck Norris soccer played with a barrel.

As baby was Chuck Norris never nursed by his mother. She gave him only whiskey from the bottle.

Once abandoned, Chuck Norris a beard and hair speared to three men.

Chuck Norris has developed a language from the Roundhouse and karate-kicks. So if you want the next time Chuck Norris will be taken, it may be that he will only tell you that he likes your hat.

Tsunamis are formed when Chuck Norris in his ocean swims laps.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi

Most running shoes are made. Chuck Norris' shoes are not so gracious.

It is not possible that Chuck Norris has a mortal father. The most plausible theory about his father is that Chuck Norris in the time traveling back and himself begotten.

Nobody can the attraction of a black hole to escape, except Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.

Chuck Norris How many do you need to change a light bulb?
No one, Chuck Norris prefers to, in the dark to kill.

Chuck Norris takes no drugs, dignity, he would complete the infrastructure of Colombia collapse.

Chuck Norris has the Internet. He needed a place for his pornography stored.

Chuck Norris does not have its own building. He needs only to foreign houses to go and draw from the residents.

Give is better than. This is especially true for Chuck Norris' Roundhouse-kicks.

Chuck Norris once went with a giant erection along a road. There were no survivors.

From a fight between Batman and Darth Vader Chuck Norris could emerge as the winner.

Chuck Norris can make a blackjack I only get a card.

Chuck Norris needs a stunt double. But only in scenes in which he wept.


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